“We are stronger in the places that we’ve been broken.”
Today is my 23rd birthday and for the past two weeks I have been in a very contemplative and reflective space- contemplating on the person that I now am and wish to become and reflecting on the person that I have been. It has only been two years into adulthood and yet I still have not quite found my footing in this world nor do I understand all there is to life. I had always believed that being an adult means being a knowledgeable person about life and all it encompasses; but I am now realising that more than anything, adulthood for me has been a journey of unlearning ideas, beliefs and perceptions that no longer serve me; adulthood is not about knowing but embracing and accepting that I will not always have the answers nor have the understanding to all of life’s questions.
Reflecting On Pain
Becoming an adult has not been the promise land of fulfilled dreams and shining stars that I had imagined it to be as a child; it has instead been a wilderness of disillusionment, shattered dreams, broken promises, heartache and pain. But my greatest lesson as an adult is this: pain does not last forever, but the strengthening effect it has on you as an individual lasts a lifetime. Pain is never the end of you, it is the beginning of the strongest version of yourself that you’ve ever been.
The beauty of life lies in both the beautiful and the ugly, the light and the dark, the sadness and the joy. I have often despised the broken pieces of my life; but with each passing day, they come together like pieces of broken glass to make a beautiful mosaic out of my life. And I believe that one day my life will be hung up like a piece of exquisite art, for the whole world to see and revel in its artistic stroke of genius.
Reflecting On Love Lost
I have been heartbroken too many times than I care to count. As an adult, I have endured one of the worst heartbreaks that took me close to two years to fully recover from. I hated my ex, I resented him and cursed him. But now I am thankful to fate for bringing a love like his across my path. The heartbreak has made me a better woman. I no longer fear heartache or the pain that may come with loving and giving your heart to someone. At the end of the relationship with him I had vowed to never love again, to never give of myself in the name of love but with time I made a choice to let the heartache soften me rather than harden me and making me into a person that I know I am not. I will therefore, always open myself up fully to love because when love touches you and embraces you, you forever remain changed; and even if love may leave a scar, like a rose’s thorn cutting you, you will remember that you once experienced the beauty of something preciously magical and captivating.
Reflecting On God in My Life
I have seen highs and lows with my relationship with God and my understanding of who God is in my life. In the midst of everything bad that I have been through, I still wonder how I am still able to come to the end of each day and tell God how grateful I am for His presence in my life. Because truth be told, in the darkest moments in my life I have always questioned where God is in all of it. I have always thrown tantrums at God for allowing me to endure things that I often believe are just beyond me for a fragile girl like me because honestly, I still feel like a caged, hurting little girl inside. But in the depths of me, I know that the life force that always picked me up when I had no strength to lift myself off the ground of pain and sorrow was God. I know that whenever I cried bitterly and suddenly the tears stop and there is a comforting peace and stillness that grabs hold of me was God himself embracing me and whispering that everything will be alright. In the midst of all confusion and pandemonium, God has been my anchor and as I mature and grow, my faith and understanding of Him has also deepened, and my relationship with Him has solidified beautifully. I no longer blame nor resent God for letting things go wrong in my life but I appreciate the good that He has allowed to come from it all and most of all, now more than ever, I trust that God knows all that is necessary for me to go through in order for me to grow and be a better woman.
Reflecting On Meaning of Birthday
As everyone wishes me a happy birthday in celebration of my birth, I celebrate the many times that I have endured emotional death but still chose to live and rise from it all. I celebrate the many times that I have wanted to die but still held on to life. I celebrate the many times that my dreams have been shattered but still held on to the resilience to dream new dreams. As the world celebrates the day I came out of my mother’s womb, I celebrate my coming out of the darkest pits of hell that life constantly threw me in. I celebrate my strength and capacity to endure when everything in me wanted to give up and end it all. But above all, I celebrate the new life that awaits me because in life we live and die many times throughout our lifespan; I have seen my death and I now await in great anticipation my resurrection into a glorious life.
So, I no longer fear the pains and sorrows that come with life. I will always embrace the painful parts of life and let them mould me into the masterpiece of a woman that I am meant to be. Because it is never the end… Even if we die, it is not the end but the beginning of a heavenly eternity.