“It’s scary to think how you were all the wrong things for me yet you felt like home…” —Upile Chisala
“Why do you keep coming back even though you know we can never be together?” I asked intently, determined to get to the bottom of the confusion.
“Being with you, talking to you…it gives me so much peace…the kind of peace and freedom I get when I’m driving 240km/h on the road… You’ve given me something that I’ve never experienced with anyone else,” he answered, as though he too not quite understanding the effect that I have on him.
I dug further, as if searching for a painful truth, while also trying to figure out why he would choose the toxicity of his current relationship instead of the peace that exists between us. “Can’t you create that peace and freedom with your girlfriend? Maybe then letting go of me, of us would be easier and staying where your loyalties lie would not be so difficult…because the reality is that she’s the one you keep choosing, every day she’s the woman that you wake up and choose to love…not me. So why am I still here? What am I hoping for and trusting in?”
“Katlego, it’s not so simple. I never believed it is possible to fall in love with two women. I’ve never been here before. And everything I’ve told you about how I feel is true. I was never selling you dreams like you always say. But what I have with you, I don’t think I want it with my girlfriend…” he anxiously explained. Read More