“We are only as blind as we want to be.”—Maya Angelou
I was in a long distance relationship with this awesomely amazing guy for almost a good year. And through the entire duration of our relationship, we only got to meet and see each other once despite the fact that we only stayed more or less 400km away from each other. These circumstances bothered me greatly because I value my quality time and face-to-face interaction in my relationships. But in this particular relationship I was deprived of that, and whenever we had to meet or had made plans to be together, something would conveniently come up on his side and we’d have to postpone indefinitely. The relationship could no longer handle the strain. Communication was beginning to dwindle terribly. We could not have crucial conversations because of the distance. And I too had also reached my quota of being okay with not seeing my partner as often as I would like and progressively working on our relationship, so I decided to call it quits.
So this one day he contacts me, we get into a “post-break-up” conversation, with him asking me if this is it between us. He opened up to me and told me about the real reason as to why he kept postponing our meetings. His exact words were as follows, “I never wanted to come meet with you without having proper finances, I know the pain of not being able to provide for the one you love, it is an embarrassment”.
I was a young 18-year-old, in the year 2012, beaming with so much hope and ambition. I was anxiously waiting to step into the premises that would transport me into the future that I have long dreamt of- becoming a graduate and repaying in heartfelt gratitude all that my single mum had sacrificed for me to be successful. However, my journey through university was not as pleasant as I had naively thought it would be. And four years into my varsity career, I had experienced two academic exclusions, one near financial exclusion, depression & anxiety and finally dropping out. I was a struggling varsity student for a great deal of my academic career. I was a struggling varsity student for a great deal of my academic career at the University of Cape Town. Read More
“If any female feels she needs anything beyond herself to legitimate and validate her existence, she is already giving away her power to be self-defining, her agency.”
Interesting, similar events have been taking place in two of my favourite local dramas, Uzalo and Greed and Desire that got me thinking. In them, we have women who had been in dating relationships with these men and fell pregnant during the relationship. The guys promise and see to it that they marry their girlfriends “to do right by them and their families” but before the lobola negotiations the women miscarry. The women become gripped by fear and decide to withhold the tragic information from their soon to be husbands because “if he finds out I’m no longer pregnant he won’t marry me anymore”. So they fake their pregnancies and adopt children masking them as their own. The men marry them with impressions that the women are carrying their babies only eventually to find out that it is not so as their marriages progress.
In as much I don’t condone what these female characters had done (lying is just a huge deal breaker for me), I found my heart bleeding for them. I do not entirely fault them with the way they handled their miscarriages. Because I believe that as a society we have created this symptom that is only the surface of the greater problem. Read More
he said‘my absence is strong and warm,it will holdyou.it will teach you how to miss.how to be without.andhow to survive anyway’-nayyirah waheed, how my father raised me