While You Are Still Waiting for the Sun to Shine Your Way

Always, always believe that better things are up ahead.

—Nikki Banas

To tell you the truth, more times than often, I feel unfulfilled in my own life. There is always a lingering feeling of discontentment and disappointment I have towards my life. This is probably no surprise if you’ve read my blog post When My Friends are Making it and I’m Not.

And almost four years later? I still have overwhelming moments where I feel behind in life. I still have moments where I feel like life is just passing me by while I drift further into stagnation.

Then there is a strange feeling I get when my peers or friends are ticking off goals from the unsaid list of Things to achieve in your 20s. I don’t know what to name “this strange feeling”. Envy? Jealousy? Would I even have the guts to call it that and risk being called a sham of a friend who rarely ever gives the loudest clap when her friends reach important milestones as I seemingly fall further behind from mine? Do I want to add envy and jealousy to the long list of things that I still need to work through? Top that with the fact that there is rarely ever any space for anyone to honestly speak about their feelings of jealousy without being likened to a witch of some sort. But I think I have the words to articulate this experience of envy and jealousy:

When your friends reach important milestones that you had hoped you would reach at the same time, there is a mocking voice that reminds you, “Remember this is what you wanted for yourself? Lol, how is it that going babes?”. And at that moment you feel like you have failed yourself. You feel like you have failed everyone who believed in you and whose lives you had hoped to change. Above all, you feel like you have failed yourself, your optimistic and ambitious younger self who vowed to come for everything that is possible to get from this world. So this strange feeling of sorts rarely has anything to do with your friends. It has nothing to do with choosing not to be happy for your friends. Nor does it have anything to do with being witchy or harbouring ill-feelings towards their success. This feeling, masquerading as jealousy and envy, is more about enduring through moments such as the ones above that highlight more vividly than any other moments in life how far off life has steered away from the realization of your own dreams…your dream life.

I write for every millennial who feels envy well up inside of them when their friends get all things they have hoped and wanted for themselves. It’s okay. It’s really okay. You don’t have to feel shame over the feelings that surface to your awareness when your friends are moving up in life…

And the thing is, nobody ever tells you about how hard it is to pick yourself up when you’ve failed and fallen. Nobody tells you about how to deal with the moments in your life where life takes you on unexpected detours on your journey to fulfilling your dreams. Often times, on those days, it feels like rock bottom will be your permanent residence. Nobody tells you about the work and intentionality that one must put in to hold on to hope when rejection and deferment of dreams seems to be the constant theme to your life.

So, I’m writing again for every young person who gets “this strange feeling”. I write for every millennial who feels envy well up inside of them when their friends get all things they have hoped and wanted for themselves. It’s okay. It’s really okay. You don’t have to feel shame over the feelings that surface to your awareness when your friends are moving up in life while you are still trying to get your life together. It’s really okay. You are okay.

During one of these days when I was having my this strange feeling kind of days, my attention was drawn to the sun as I was basking in its wintry warmth. There was a voice, which I would naturally ascribe to God, that said, “While you are enjoying the sun, someone out there in the world is going through the night and probably just like you, waiting for the sun to come their way. And I just want you to remember that just because it may be night-time for you, that does not take away the undeniable fact that the sun will certainly shine for you and the dawn of day you will surely witness”.

I don’t know what your night-time is. Maybe your night-time is depression. Maybe it’s anxiety crippling you to a point of not being able to sit for your exam and having to add another year to your degree. Maybe your night-time is being a 20 something year old that still depends on their parents to sustain them. But whatever our night-time may be, the sun is waiting to meet us. The dawn of our breakthroughs is truly just on the horizon. Our dreams will materialize. We will know the joy of seeing our dreams come to pass and we will wonder to ourselves why we ever believed that it would be dark forever.

XOXO
signature

Loved what you just read?

Subscribe so you never miss a post...
Sign up with your email address to receive exclusive updates in your inbox!

What do you think?

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

No Comments Yet.

Previous
The Fragility of Life
While You Are Still Waiting for the Sun to Shine Your Way